Ancient Grains Archive
A List Of Pop-Culture Items I Have Been Irrationally Afraid Of
Ancient Grains, Weird True Tales
Nov 13, 2013
“Guilty Conscience,” Eminem –
I was afraid of cursing. Technically that’s an understatement because at the time I was afraid of almost everything, but I was especially afraid of cursing. The first time I heard this song, in the summer of 2000 (kids who are afraid of cursing are not the kind who
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The Gifts of the Giving Tree
Ancient Grains, The Great Outdoors
Nov 13, 2013
Once there was a tree
and she loved a little boy.
And everyday the boy would come
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns
and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
And the apples stained his mouth a strange color
and it wasn't green and
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Literary Airlines
Ancient Grains, Books
Nov 13, 2013
Jane Air
"Thanks for flying Jane Air. Are you escaping for business or for pleasure? Will you be stowing any wives today?"
King LearJet
"Welcome to LearJet. Are you traveling alone, or like two birds i'the cage?"
The Quiet American Airlines
"One has to take sides, if one is to remain human. Your side is just past
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A Second Female Author Talks About Sexism and Self-Promotion
Ancient Grains, Writing
Nov 12, 2013
When Sarah Rees Brennan asked me to write a companion essay to her piece on the many issues women face in self-promotion, I had just returned from a trip to Austin, Texas, where I was promoting my most recent novel, Inheritance, at the Austin Teen
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A Female Author Talks About Sexism and Self-Promotion
Ancient Grains, Writing
Nov 12, 2013
I am going to say "bitch" a lot. I do not like or use the word much, but I'm going to be talking a lot about reaction to female creators, and this is the only way I know how to discuss the experience of getting that word over and over again, until
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A Partial But By No Means Exhaustive List of Pigs, Dogs and Swans in the Works of P.G. Wodehouse
Ancient Grains, Books
Nov 12, 2013
Previously: A Partial But By No Means Exhaustive List of Egg References in the Works of P.G. Wodehouse
"'Talking of being eaten by dogs, there’s a dachshund at Brinkley who when you first meet him will give you the impression that he plans to convert you into a light snack between his regular
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Sad Limericks
Ancient Grains, Poetry
Nov 12, 2013
A Successful Poet Is Selling Poetry
He has really nailed it this time, he is fairly sure. No matter what the workshop junkies said about his old “limpdick collection.” Forget all those auto-rejections from Poetry magazine. (Nearby, Pike Place salesman smack halibuts down on ice.) He’s got a whole new approach this
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Please Stop Buying Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts
Ancient Grains, Food
Nov 12, 2013
We need to have a serious conversation about this. I only want to help you. I also get a lot of emails from Feel the Burn-ers asking me how to cook meat, because I eat a ton of meat, and seem like someone who knows how to cook it (you are
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