Ancient Grains Archive
Missed Connections From My Nightmares
Ancient Grains, Dreams
Oct 31, 2013
I was the scared, skinny thing waiting for the bus post-apocalypse. You were the panhandling hunchback with peg legs and excellent tumbling skills. You showed me your member after I declined to give you my bus fare. I’m sorry. I have the money now and would love to take you out.
You were
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Free Short Stories To Horrify And Delight Those Stuck At Work On Halloween
Ancient Grains, Ghosts
Oct 31, 2013
"The Summer People," Shirley Jackson
Available (quite cheaply) at Dramatic Publishing and Amazon.
My introduction to Shirley Jackson was the Platonic ideal of the first-time Jackson experience: at the age of sixteen, in the late afternoon, browsing idly through a used bookstore. I
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The Werewolf Trials
Ancient Grains, Poetry
Oct 31, 2013
The Werewolf Trials
Stretch me further.
Cut the black magic from my flesh.
The Devil’s given me a girdle,
and when I put it on, I howl.
Hide your goats and lambs.
Hide your succulent boys,
fattened by books and bacon.
I’ll eat your brain if I like it.
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Babysitting Instructions
Advice, Ancient Grains
Oct 31, 2013
After The Zombie Apocalypse Never Came, Nothing Changed
Ancient Grains, Humor
Oct 30, 2013
It wasn't as embarrassing as you might think, because the realization dawned so slowly. Sometime around 2022, although you could argue that it took a few years after that for the expectations to really die down, no pun intended. Certainly by spring of that year, even the most die-hard of holdouts had
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A Real Feminist Would
Ancient Grains, Feminism
Oct 30, 2013
A real feminist would be able to pull the sword from yonder stone that has lain there for nigh these thirteen years.
A real feminist would have the strength of ten men in her arms and would lay waste to the fields of the Green Knight.
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Ebay List: This Seller’s Other Items
Ancient Grains, Fashion
Oct 30, 2013
YOU SEARCHED FOR: Girl’s Clothing. Top result:
Toddler’s Knit Halter Top, Vintage 1975.
Item description: Pink popcorn wool knit, tiny red floral appliqués here and there; lace trim. Modeled on vintage teddy bear. Halter is made in Taiwan. No size specified, but will fit most girls aged 1-2. Item worn maybe four times, appropriated
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Hey, Ladies: Halloween Planning
Ancient Grains, Humor
Oct 30, 2013
Most recently in this series: Ladies' Brunch. This installment has been brought to you by a generous donation from Toast reader Saskia Deerson. Thanks, Sas! You are not a monster like these people.
To: Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen; Gracie From: Katie Date: October 4, 2013 Subject: Halloween ...Read More