Ancient Grains Archive

Misadventures in Halloween Costumes: Searching for a Feminist Star Wars

Every year, I get really excited about my Halloween costume. I don’t even have a good excuse for wearing a costume on Halloween. I’m 31 years old. I don’t have a list of parties to go to, and I don’t have any kids. I could greet trick-or-treaters in jeans and a t-shirt, ...Read More

Goths These Days: The Commercialization of a Once Proud Holiday

Skeletons in your local pharmacy. Bad horror remakes on TV. “This Is My Costume” t-­shirts at Hot Topic. Let’s face it: the only thing scary about Halloween these days is how commercial it’s gotten. When will goths rise up and take back our holiday? These days, a plague of indifference has consumed the ...Read More

Text Messages From a Jack-O-Lantern

Previously, once: Text Messages From a Ghost. October 21 hi hi i hope im not waking you but did you mean to blow out the candle just now sorry who's this im outside on the porch i just i wasn't sure if you meant to blow ...Read More

Promiser’s Remorse: Fairy Tales’ Worst ROIs

Should you ever find yourself in a fairy tale, try your very best not to become a merchant (tailors and traveling soldiers usually have better luck). Should you find becoming a merchant unavoidable, avoid having any daughters. Should daughters arise despite your most strenuous efforts, never bring them any gifts when you ...Read More

Texts From Emma

darling Emma have you seen our friend Mr. Martin? he was to take me to tea this afternoon but he isn't here oh Harriet! do you really still like him?? oh I did yes i told him you were not virtuous and i think that got rid of him i didn't think you still liked him you wouldn't have liked him for much ...Read More

Emily Books Book Club: Meaty

If you are not familiar with the Emily Books Book Club, or simply have that condition where you struggle to form short-term memories, you may click here. Maybe you already did! This month, Emily and I read and discussed Samantha Irby’s Meaty, which you can learn more about purchasing here. ...Read More

Prince George and the Newspapers

A few Minutes after Seven this Morning, her Majesty was most happily brought to Bed of a Prince, to the great Joy of every Lover of Great Britain.

Thursday the servant maid of an eminent tradesman in Maiden-lane, Covent-garden, was committed to New Prison, Clerkenwell, for robbing her master of ...Read More

Questions I Could Ask Google But Am Asking You Instead

Why is it so much easier to blow out a candle if I put my hand a few inches behind the flame? Why do I find giant squid so disappointing? I know they're giant, yes, and I'm sure I'd be awfully frightened if one ever swam past me in the morning bath, but why ...Read More