Ancient Grains Archive

Introducing: “Fat, Frugal, and Stylish”

Lindsay-King Miller most recently told us How Not to Walk Around Naked. Hello and welcome, Toasties! I am a fashionable fat girl on a budget, and as such, my love/hate relationship with clothing is more fraught and all-consuming than any other contentious relationship in my life, including that one time I had ...Read More

Step Out Of The Car, Please: Allison’s Story

Previous entries in the DUI series can be found here I grew up in a dry, Catholic family in a Midwestern state, and I was just barely beginning to secretly navigate the world of alcohol by the time I graduated high school. So I did what anyone in my position would do, and enrolled ...Read More

Life In a Theme Park

Life in a theme park is full of questions and fluids. ...Read More

Sometimes, We’re Too Proud to Be Canadian

Guys, this is ridiculous. Come on, now. Moreover, when I am given the reins to the nation, there will be one kind of pad and one kind of tampon and they will be handed out by the goverment like your I Voted! stickers. ...Read More

Types of Witches, In Order

Kitchen witches "A "kitchen witch" may also refer to a human figurine placed in kitchens for good luck. These dolls are made from materials such as fabric, corn husks, and dried fruits and may be in the form of a witch riding a broom. Such dolls traditionally protect residents and visitors to the ...Read More

On Reading Fangirl and Being One

I’ve gotten lost in books for as long as I can remember, from the shifting staircases in J.K. Rowling’s Hogwarts to the breathtaking scenery of Spain in Beth Kephart’s Small Damages. Hovering above these worlds like an addicted reality-show viewer, I was invested but always remained ...Read More

Your Feelings Are No Longer Considered Canon And Have Been Marked As Spam

This is an auto-generated systems update to inform you that your feelings are no longer considered canon and have been flagged as spam. While we realize your feelings may be important to you, the volume and frequency have triggered an automatic alarm system in our servers. It is for the safety and ...Read More

My Ideal Body Type

Late-night shifts in a celestial graveyard – the gravestones are sunk into layers of star stuff. The wraiths drift along paths composed of nebulae, burning gas and color forced to consider order. Staff ask for cooperation when the supernova crypts threaten to redshift and take a galaxy of dead royalty with them. ...Read More