Ancient Grains Archive
Woman Known For Her Inability To Form Meaningful Human Relationships Is Somehow Proud To Prefer Animals To People
Ancient Grains, Animals
Oct 23, 2013
A grown adult woman with a string of failed romantic relationships and shallow, unfulfilling friendships apparently takes a perverse sense of pride in her preference for animals to people, as if it were an accomplishment rather than a tragic, self-imposed limitation.
Alone in her apartment, the woman who was raised by an entire
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Over-the-Top Positivity in This Week’s Hello! Canada
Ancient Grains, Humor
Oct 23, 2013
"With breathtaking views over the Los Angeles skyline, expansive landscaped gardens and a glistening pool, Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster's residence is a haven of peace and tranquility."
"The home resonates with laughter as two-year-old Aiden charges through the estate's opulently furnished rooms, giggling and calling after his statuesque mother."
"She's one of the
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Texts From William Blake
Ancient Grains, Texts From
Oct 23, 2013
hi
hi
I got you a present
you did?
I drew you something
oh wow
is it horrifying?
no
do you promise?
William?
do you promise me that it's not horrifying?
i drew you something
William
you know what I mean
what do you mean by horrifying
is anyone being
flayed alive in it
or committing suicide
or does something have eyes that shouldn't have eyes
you know what I mean
horrifying
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Wednesday Link Roundup!
Ancient Grains, The Internet
Oct 23, 2013
Everyone dies in the swimming segment of the triathlon, even if there are no sharks.
*
There’s this unfortunately too common thing that happens when a trans woman tells a cis woman about an experience of sexism and the response is, “Welcome to being a ...Read More
Topical TV News: Minor 30 Rock Characters, Ranked
Ancient Grains, Television
Oct 22, 2013
Dr. Spaceman, Grizz, and Dot Com are not minor characters, shut your mouth.
26. Howard Jorgensen
"I was a lot like you. I dressed poorly, had bad posture, walked around with lettuce in my hair. And I cursed like a sailor. But Jack saw potential in me. He changed my life."
Howard is the Liz-who-might-have-been,
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New Answers To Old Riddles
Ancient Grains, Writing
Oct 22, 2013
Q: A father and his son are in a car accident. The father dies instantly, and the son is taken to the nearest hospital. The doctor comes in and exclaims, "I can't operate on this boy. He's my son!" How is this possible?
A: The Cuckolarians are a semi-parasitic alien race characterized by
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Mother’s Sister Not Really Making $5465/Month Working From Home
Ancient Grains, Fan Fiction
Oct 22, 2013
She wasn't making $5465 a month. She hadn't been making $5465 a month for a long time. She didn't know how bad things were, exactly, but that was mostly because she was too afraid to find out.
She got up earlier. She took her laptop to bed with her. If it was a
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Twelve Days in Jail
Ancient Grains, Politics
Oct 22, 2013
It was ninety-seven degrees outside so I didn’t take a sweater, but I regretted that the moment I sat down on the cold steel stool. Twenty minutes later, David sat down on the other side of the glass and picked up the phone. This isn’t the first time my godson’s been arrested
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