Ancient Grains Archive

To Kill A Mockingbird in Blackface: Sometimes Being a Woman of Colour in School Never Seems to Get Any Better

The first time I was involved in a fight about racism at school, I was so young my mom was still gently introducing me to the concept as a permanent fixture in my life. It was sometime in my early elementary years when I came home from school singing “Jimmy Crack Corn” ...Read More

Early Signs of Pregnancy

Mild to moderate telekinesis Occasional skin leakage Shadow loss Pearls or roses falling from mouth during speech Reverse fingernails Occasional resistance to thermodynamics Breasts disappear Precognition (for restaurant lunch specials only) Total memory loss Lung fossilization Sudden-Onset Unexplained Eye Syndrome Partial memory loss Sound allergy Total memory awareness ...Read More

Patina Miller Appreciation Time

Let's all take a few minutes out of what is sure to be a busy day to appreciate that we were born into the historical era with unprecedented levels of Patina Miller access. First: from 2008, her performance of "The Temp and the Receptionist" with Anderson Davis. Anderson Davis personifies "terrified determination" ...Read More

Wednesday Link Roundup!

"When men read Mary Gaitskill, their boners deflate."

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NDB, but Sondheim is updating "Company" to make Bobby the gay man he always should have been and he's cast DANIEL EVANS, who ...Read More

Merch

I. Cleveland Here are some of the things that Megan sells at her job: Breeze Machine T-shirts. Breeze Machine hooded sweatshirts. Breeze Machine stickers (three for five dollars). Breeze Machine's first album on vinyl. Breeze Machine's newest album on compact disc and vinyl. Breeze Machine wristbands (for irony, she assumes.  They sell well but she's never seen anyone wearing ...Read More

Which Singer Craves His Freedom Most?

Previously: Which girl is most like a child? Related: All the words. Some men are born on the road. Some men die there. Some men cannot be held down, for they will melt through your fingers and reassemble several yards away. These men are powerful witches and ...Read More

Why the Wikipedia Page for George Burns Is Perfect

Literally everything in this post is a direct quotation from the version of George Burns' Wikipedia page which existed on Monday, October 14th, 2013, which is a work of singular beauty and charm and should be preserved in carbonite for all time, like George Burns himself. 1. ...Read More

Male Gamers Only

The ruins of the Tormented Necropolis were charred and smoking. The limp, motionless bodies of the Quicksilver Companions littered the landscape, bristling with arrows, many of which were being methodically and efficiently removed by the Night Dwarves. Each arrow gave up its place in their flesh reluctantly with a loud thunk. The Night Dwarves ...Read More