Reader: I have a very weird and personal (to me) pushup question I would like to ask you. May I ask you? The Toast: Do you feel your vagina weirdly when you do ...Read More
Ancient Grains Archive
Special Down-There Fitness Feelings
Ancient Grains, Health
Oct 09, 2013
Yesterday, The Toast had the following unexpurgated email exchange with a female reader. In related news, Nicole can read minds.
I Want A Maxidress So Big
Ancient Grains, Fashion
Oct 09, 2013
I want a maxidress so big that it can hold all the regrets of my ancestors.
I want a maxidress that hides all of my flaws until no one left living in this world remembers the lies I told about her, or the way I convinced all of our friends, and eventually myself,
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What I’ve Learned: A Los Angeles Rental Story, A Love Story, A Shoe Story
Ancient Grains, Writing
Oct 09, 2013
What I've Learned: The look on a person's face seeing a green-eyed black girl for the first time after speaking to me on the phone can be daunting.
A Los Angeles rental story. In 1988, after my dream apartment fell through, I went looking for another. This was before the internet, kids, so
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Men Apologizing To Me
Advice, Ancient Grains
Oct 09, 2013
Of all the pitches and submissions we receive at The Toast every week, I'd guess that about eighty-five percent or so are from women. Of those, I'd guess about half are from first-time writers. Of those, I'd guess about half begin with an apology for not pitching properly or having a half-formed
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Link Roundup!
Ancient Grains, The Internet
Oct 09, 2013
Maybe the greatest cat-based listicle of the 21st century.
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This dad who wrote into Dear Prudie is out of his goddamn mind.
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Elon Green sat down with Gay ...Read More
What Nicole and Mallory Did Together Today
Ancient Grains, Meta
Oct 08, 2013
Mallory has gone to Utah to visit Nicole, and Utah has thus far lived up to all expectations. We will be providing you with semi-regular updates of our adventures together, because life is short and time is fleeting. So far we have made carnitas and pumpkin chocolate-chip bread and gone to the
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Indiana Jones and the Truth About Wicca
Ancient Grains, Witches
Oct 08, 2013
Recently, while reorganizing my licensed fiction collection, I happened upon a certain Indiana Jones novel. Written by Martin Caidin, Indiana Jones and the White Witch is an interesting entry in the Indy canon; the novels by and large deal in conspiracy theories and world myths (Hollow Earth, unicorns, the location of Noah’s
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Andrew Wylie Is a Bad Father (But We Love Him)
Ancient Grains, Books
Oct 08, 2013
Andrew Wylie, the literary agent with murder in his eyes, can say things that other men cannot, and we will love him for it.
He's a tramp
But they love him
Breaks a new heart
Ev'ry day
What can be said about the Wylie Coyote? By rights we ought to hate
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