These are pretty dope, but what we really need to talk about is how they now sell metal-looking refrigerators that DO NOT attract magnets. What the actual eff?
Look, I have a lot of other stuff on my mind, too, I just –
some nights I can't sleep and yes, one of the thoughts
that enters my head is: What if God were a swan and you had to fuck him?
And I can't apologize for that,
or won't.
Recently, another story played out in my life the way it always does. A man in the periphery who I assumed to be good, or at least neutral, and a story from a friend that proved otherwise.
Then Moses returned to the Lord and said, “Oh, these people have committed a great sin, and have made for themselves a god of gold! Yet now, their sin was
a joke
. Jesus. They were
kidding
– but if not, I pray, blot me out of Your book which You have written.”
Everyone around you is named Thorolf, except for Thorstein Cod-Biter, who lives over in the next valley. Many say he is part-troll. But they have learnt not to say it to his face.
The current feud in which you are embroiled seems likely to be resolved by prodding a blindfolded horse off a cliff with poles. This horse is known for its malice.
There was once a man who had fine houses, both in town and country, a deal of silver and gold plate, embroidered furniture, and coaches gilded all over with gold. But this man was so unlucky as to have a blue beard, which made him so frightfully ugly that all the women and girls ran away from him.
We live in a highly sophisticated world of gender signaling, mutable lines which nevertheless must not be crossed. For men, this can be a particularly fraught territory. Until all products have been sufficiently vetted and labeled, here is a helpful primer to some under-researched girly vectors best eschewed by males.
Oh My God You Guys, I'm Fucking Thirty-Six Now
Thirty-
Six
I Have To Like...Oh My God
I'm officially too old to love, I feel like
No one is even in love with me right now,
which is garbage,
okay some people are obviously but none of them count
FAILED TO NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS BORN OUT OF CONVENIENCE ONCE CHANGING CIRCUMSTANCES REQUIRED ACTIVE PARTICIPATION FROM YOU
WATCHED NETFLIX FOR SEVEN HOURS INSTEAD OF SLEEPING BECAUSE YOU HAVE ONCE AGAIN MISTAKEN INERTIA FOR REST
What complicates the ways people respond to my height is that I am also blind. I cannot always see the double takes, the astonished gaze sweeping up and down the length of my body – though it is possible to feel these responses, or rather to hear them. A hush tends to come over a room when a blind person enters. My blindness, like my height, makes people see their surroundings differently.
