1. GOD IS A SMALL DOG
THAT DIES EVERY NINE TO TWELVE YEARS, USUALLY DUE TO HEART VALVE PROBLEMS
GOD LOVES YOU VERY MUCH BUT UNFORTUNATELY ISN'T VERY EFFECTIVE
GOD IS DIMLY AWARE OF YOUR PARTICULAR PROBLEMS AND HOPES TO GET TO THEM BUT IS ALSO HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE WHEEZING PARTICULARLY AFTER STRAINING AT THE LEASH ON WALKS, SO GOD'S TRYING TO FOCUS ON ONE THING AT A TIME
There is a home video, made when you were about nine. You watch your nine-year-old self lead your aunt (behind the camera) off into the house, blithely walking past your mother as she sits on the couch.
Stop
, you want to tell the girl onscreen.
Reach out and touch her!
This month Aunt Acid advises a reader whose boyfriend is down about his unemployment, and another who is wondering how to tell her husband about a past sexual assault.
This was an extraordinarily disappointing article, because the headline led me to believe that researchers had somehow discovered the first cases of sadness in children?
"Listen, Lieutenant, if there's anything I can do in order to be of further assistance, I'd be happy to help, but as it is I'm late for an appointment."
"Oh, of course, of course. Of course. Must be very important."
Over deep-dish pizza on our honeymoon, my husband tells me that at our wedding reception, a childhood friend of mine drunkenly mentioned to him that he was completely wrong for me. “She told me you were the most Indian of all of your friends,” he says, but is confused, because he already went above and beyond my expectations of cultural assimilation by taking a Bollywood dance class.
Cars are sexy, beautiful creations that promise a world of speed and freedom. They are also symbols of risk and danger. By the episode’s end, neither Mary nor Edith is entirely ready to embrace the risks of a new relationship. But, as Tom says, "Being hurt is part of being alive."
