Oh, two monks, I think I'm going to miss you most of all.

Two Medieval Monks Invent Art

MONK #1 : traditionally, what do horses eat
MONK #2 : traditionally? roofs
rooves?
roofs, all kinds

This Classic Toast post originally ran on Mar 11, 2014.

From the year 800 AD to 1450 the entirety of Europe's approach to painting was "It's impossible to know what an animal looks like, just draw a guy's head on it." This is their story.

Previously: two monks invent medieval art. MONK #1: hey how big are most eyes MONK #2: like on the human face? MONK #1: oh yes for sure the eyes people have on their faces MONK #2: oh man at least half the size of the face it's actually crazy how much of your face is just eyes definitely at least half MONK #1: thanks MONK #2: no problem…

MONK #1 : what makes a woman beautiful
MONK #2 : nice eyes
long hair
red lips
MONK #1 : right definitely
MONK #2 : you know what's really hot though
MONK #1 : what
MONK #2 : women who don't have shoulders
MONK #1 : what

MONK #1 : what does Hell look like?
MONK #2 : big upside-down beehive

MONK #1 : if I wanted to illustrate the rain of fire that destroyed Sodom
what should I use for my model
visually I mean
MONK #2 : can can dancers
red legs, blue skirts
MONK #1 : oh thanks

MONK #1 : why would anyone hold hands
MONK #2 : to protect the tiny witch hiding underneath them writing you a poem

MONK #1 : this is honestly a little embarrassing
but
you know
as a monk
i haven't seen a lot of naked people so i'm not really sure
MONK #2 : do not be embarrassed even a little
ask away
MONK #1 : okay well i guess its two questions
one is does...EVERYBODY have faces on their heads?
MONK #2 : great question
and no

MONK #1: what's inside of a dog MONK #2: hmm? MONK #1: like how would I draw a dog, and what it's made of MONK #2: oh oh gotcha red strings and nothing   MONK #1: okay so I know that knights and horses go together like in wartime MONK #2: right MONK #1: but how is that arranged, exactly like how does it look when they go into battle MONK #2: oh…

MONK #1: the saint Mary Magdalene what was she made of, chiefly? MONK #2: hair more hair than woman, they said of her   MONK #1: saints in general how do they look? how does one draw them, I mean MONK #2: silver-grey skin like a trout and mummy hands that's the sign of one beloved by God…

MONK #2: i think youre ready to move on to something a little trickier this time reading and writing MONK #1: oh wow MONK #2: the really important thing to remember about writing is that you dont use any words ever just blank pages in careful order MONK #1: oh wow i had no idea MONK #2: i know thats what i'm here for haha MONK #2: same goes for reading…

Previously in this series: Two Monks invent dinner parties. MONK #1: do birds have meetings MONK #2: absolutely they have a Meeting Hat and everything MONK #1: what do they have meetings about MONK #2: mostly who gets to wear the meeting hat MONK #1: do human women sleep in beds or-- MONK #2: no that's dogs you're thinking of MONK #1: right right…

Previously in this series: Two monks invent Christian denominations. MONK #1: lets throw a dinner party big feast invite everybody over MONK #2: oh yes for sure lets MONK #1: whats good to eat, what do people like for dinner MONK #2: one single peacock MONK #1: will that be enough do you think MONK #2: well that's what dinner is a single peacock so it better be MONK #1: ok…

Holiness Movement

MONK #1 : all right
you read the Bible
right?
MONK #2 : right
MONK #1 : whole thing?
MONK #2 : A to done
MONK #1 : okay whatd you get out of it
MONK #2 : we should touch snakes
MONK #1 : really?
yeah
touch em up a bunch
MONK #1 : anything else
MONK #2 : mm
mostly just the snakes