This edition of the Dirtbag Series is brought to you by Jason. [SALLY KIMBALL rushes into ENCYCLOPEDIA'S office in the garage. ENCYCLOPEDIA is leaning back in a chair, feet on his father's squad car, eyes closed, smoking a cigarette] SALLY: Oh, Encyclopedia, I think I've solved the mystery of the missing umpire! The umpire was a fraud -- no real umpire ever dusts off the plates with his back to the c-- [ENCYCLOPEDIA…