Link is a fictional character from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time , a video game I played often as a kid, and oftener as an adult. In my spare time I like to imagine what other fictional characters from that same game he would date. Here are some of them, in order.

I mean, obviously everything sounds like the Zelda theme when you play it on a midi keyboard. I'm not trying to make any sweeping claims here.

Careful readers of this site may have noticed that I bear a particular fondness for The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. My brother and I once spent an entire summer trying to complete the entire game (I was, and remain, a real stickler for side quests) in our recently-flooded basement instead of going outside in the fresh air and sunshine like your sister; I'm serious, go outside. To this day the…