Now that I own a home, my entire life will change – slowly at first, then with increasing velocity, until my daily routine becomes indistinguishable from scenes from a Nancy Meyers film. I will no longer eat every meal out of the same bowl (which I call Bowlie) without washing it, such that it becomes encrusted with successive layers of melted-and-re-congealed cheese and vinegars and other foodstuffs. I will never again eat saltines in…