Your hair is immaculately slicked back, except for a single curl that falls over an eyebrow. Your left eyebrow.

You have an unusually attractive cigarette lighter you cannot stop fingering. It is mother-of-pearl.

You offer a crying woman your handkerchief, but there is no sympathy in your voice.

Why, you'd do anything for your friends.

You are fourth- or fifth-billed in the credits but have so far contributed almost nothing to the A- and B-storylines.

In episode 2, you had a throwaway line about a beautiful member of the opposite sex not being your "type," a line that has now taken on a strange significance.

You are a younger brother who stands to inherit nothing.

- It dinnae hardly hurt nae more, ma'am

- You maughtn't mind the muckle nai more, miss, for there's an everlasting city what swims before these eyes a-nights, and so you musn't cry none, not for this poor Christian soul

Mild to moderate telekinesis

Occasional skin leakage

Shadow loss

Pearls or roses falling from mouth during speech

Reverse fingernails

Occasional resistance to thermodynamics

Breasts disappear

Precognition (for restaurant lunch specials only)

Total memory loss

Lung fossilization

Sudden-Onset Unexplained Eye Syndrome

Partial memory loss

Sound allergy

Total memory awareness