Once again inspired by Friend of The Toast Emily Gould. (Previously: Male Novelist Jokes.)

National Novel Writing Month
November 1-30 | “NaNoWriMo: The world needs your novel.”

National Novel Writing Month
November 1-30 | “NaNoWriMo: They’re all gonna laugh at you.”

National Novel Writing Month
November 1-30 | “NaNoWriMo: Cool story, bro.”

National Novel Writing Month
November 1-30 | “NaNoWriMo: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no p

...Read More

It’s all happening. You’ve finally decided. Enough waiting around, today is the day you start your bestseller. And yet the path to success is not smooth: it’s a well-documented fact that the beginning is one of the most difficult parts of writing a novel, second only to the conclusion and general plot-heavy middle bit, and so, in the great tradition of the seemingly nonstop Writing Tips From Writerly Writers pieces orbiting the internet like so many axiom-heavy birds of prey, we have compiled a helpful list of starting points to get you going on that crucial first sentence. Try one! Try them all! Try them all at once in a string and BOOM, you’ve got yourself a chapter! Read on:

OPTION #1:

Stevie smiled at Emily. “Dear old Emily,” he thought. “My sweetest, most platonic friend.” Emily smiled back. “Dear old Stevie,” she thought. “One day I will kill you and dance on your grave.”

...Read More

Welcome!

Congratulations on your acceptance into the prestigious ranks of the Fotherington-Vanderbilt Weiss Literary Arts Award Selection Committee!

We have prepared the following guidelines to aid you in your selection of a Fotherington-Vanderbilt Weiss Literary Arts Award shortlist. Please read them closely and follow them throughout your selection process.

Residency Requirement

We believe that, as New York City is the world capital of the literary arts community, a strong Fotherington-Vanderbilt Weiss Literary Arts Award shortlist should contain 50 – 60% writers affiliated with New York City. This affiliation can come through birthplace, college attendance, or current residence. For the purposes of the Fotherington-Vanderbilt Weiss Literary Arts Award, New York City will be defined as Brooklyn and Manhattan.

Diversity Guidelines

The shortlist must contain a literary artist who comes from one of the following communities:

– African-American
– Other “Writers of Color”
– Blue-collar
– Foreign-born
– Southern
– LGBTQ
– Female

The Fotherington-Vanderbilt Weiss Literary Arts Foundation is strongly committed to promoting diversity in the literary arts, and our Diversity Guidelines help ensure that we continue to advance this cause; we regret that the Fotherington-Vanderbilt Weiss Literary Arts Award Selection Committee will be unable to consider more than one writer who meets a Diversity requirement, with the exception of white female authors, who may comprise 25 – 35% of the shortlist (space permitting). Please make your selections accordingly.

Illicit content

Graphic depictions of sexual content are permissible so long as the sex is joyless, deviant, or between an older male literature/creative writing professor and a young female student. (The latter is strongly encouraged.)

...Read More

Lydia Davis recently won this year’s Man Booker International Prize, and a pavement-born wave of clammy guilt and embarrassment washed over me because I wasn’t familiar with her works. I bookmarked a few of her pieces published on various literary journal websites to add to the ever-growing and overgrowing list of essays, poems, and short stories that I hoard. The act of adding another work to the list makes me feel productive, comfortable, and well-read even though I always laugh as I do it, knowing I’m only kidding myself that I’ll read any of them. The laughs get heartier as the list grows longer.

But when I read Davis’ writing “blows the roof off of so many of our assumptions about what constitutes short fiction,” I stopped adding her (very) short stories to my bookmarks. It’s not often, or ever, that I read a piece of fiction “blows the roof off” of anything. I kept the article announcing her prize open in a browser tab. When that happens, I’m not able to close the tab until I give its contents the attention they deserve. These standoffs have lasted weeks.

In this case, the tab stayed open only overnight, and after seeing a link the following afternoon on The Paris Review Daily to a recording of James Salter reading Davis’ “Break It Down,” I knew this was my chance. After a quick listen, I could bring up in casual conversation with people that couldn’t care less, “Did you see that Lydia Davis won the Man Booker International Prize this year? You should check out ‘Break It Down.’” This ability to flaunt my literary pursuits, this channeling of Amory Blaine’s rather naïve preoccupation to achieve social standing using his erudition, is all I really wanted. Unbeknownst to me, consuming Davis’ work would give me a bit more substantive experience, though it left me feeling almost equally as neurotic.

I loaded Salter’s saunter through Davis’ “Break It Down” onto my iPod to keep me company as I moved at what I hope would be a substantially quicker pace on several miles of a recreational greenway later in the day. At the time of populating the iPod, I paid little attention to the only file already on it—an unlistened lecture entitled “Kierkegaard and Young Adult Anxiety” given by a fellow named Will McDavid who’s on staff at Mockingbird in Charlottesville. When I hit the play button while tightening the laces on my bright blue Adidas Adioses, it was Davis’ work that appeared first.

...Read More