I’ve been trying to think of the right metaphor to describe this experience -- the way I can and can’t see real, tangible changes in my body, my mood, my place in the world; the way I have faith in the process and am exasperated by it, because from where I’m standing it will never end. The word transition implies that I started out as one thing and am becoming another, and that at the…

"Producer Albert R. Broccoli at first thought he was British and so considered him; he was in fact German."

"Was not English."

"For having 'hands too big and a face like a farmer.'"

Openness in adoption means more than acknowledging the fact of the adoption, "honoring" the birth mother's decision, celebrating "Gotcha Day." Openness means that everything is on the table.

LOOK I GET THAT THERE ARE CERTAIN LIMITATIONS TO PERIOD ACCURACY AND DON'T WANT YOU TO ASK THE FEMALE CAST TO PLUCK BACK THEIR HAIRLINES BUT IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT MARGARET TUDOR NOT BE TAN WITH FRESH LIP FILLERS

DON'T GET ME WRONG THAT ACTRESS IS OBJECTIVELY BEAUTIFUL AND HER LIP FILLERS ARE GOOD BUT NO ONE HAS AN UPPER LIP LIKE THAT NATURALLY

I MEAN I'M SURE SOMEONE SOMEWHERE DOES

You were discussing transcendental idealism over oysters, and one thing led to another.

Without any forethought, you deliver a lengthy monologue that connects the Riemann hypothesis, the poetry of Wordsworth, and your love life.

You encounter a troupe of thespian funambulists. They are glib, and not to be trusted.

We all know that she improvised this, obviously, but what is the secret to this throwaway moment's beloved, memetic status?

Look at this adorable puppy and her chewy stick.

Jane Marie's first Bargain Bin post for The Toast!

Hope you're all enjoying yourselves, or at the very least full. Probably not now, obviously, it's 11 am, or 8am, depending on where you are. But soon.

She woke up like she did every day: slowly pulling her motorcycle helmet off, then shaking her head slowly back and forth to reveal a long, blonde ponytail. Everyone gasped. "That's right," she said, kicking the winning football goal before sliding into a sheer, sexy camisole under a blazer and playing as hard as she worked, "I've been a girl this whole time ."

Hello, dear Toasties. Early and abbreviated Toast Points this week, as we won't be posting much over the holiday weekend -- but there will be an open thread and some classic posts from days of Toast past, so don't despair.

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize if you were offended by my recent behavior. Sadly, there is no way to determine whether you have in fact been offended at this time, as the science just isn't there yet. We may never know if you were offended or not -- in fact, can it truly be said that we can ever know anything?

INT. DAY. A bucolic college campus; a book-strewn corner office. Two MALE PROFESSORS, HANK and SMITTY, have their feet up on their respective desks at the end of a long day. Their faces are haggard and drawn. Even their elbow patches look tired. HANK sighs.

What is it about tea that is so wonderful, so calming? It is a delightful elixir, sweetly fragrant, older than coffee and more subtle. It’s not especially difficult to make a good cup of tea. So why is it almost impossible to get one here?