This is the first in a series which will continue until Tatler sues or hires Nicole.

Here are the best parts of this month’s Tatler.

1. “Clémence Poésy is recalling the time that Eddie Redmayne went down on her. They were filming the BBC’s adaptation of Birdsong, and Eddie taped cherry-flavored Haribo to Clémence’s inner thigh as the demarcation point for his questing tongue. ‘Oh my God!’ she says, realizing she may have overshared.”

—Clémence (Sophia Money-Coutts)

2. “He lives in Bermondsey and likes hanging out with “best friend” Freddie Fox. There are a couple more Hollywood films on their way–one with Russell Crowe, another with Channing Tatum. But what about the GIRLS? ‘I’m, erm, in a relationship at the moment,’ he says carefully. No word on who the mystery woman is…”

—The Romeo: Douglas Booth (Sophia Money-Coutts)

3. This list of fishing-related items for purchase:

 

4. “…drunching–drunk-brunching–is taking over the weekend party scene as enthusiastically as a pissed-up day tripper in Brighton.”

—Eat, drunch and be merry (Giorgina Ramazzotti)

5. Inspiring Tales:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. “There are plenty of people who love pre-Raphaelite paintings and good for them, I say. Just like people who love margarine: everyone’s entitled to their own taste. In my view, that’s the only thing to explain the multimillion-pound estimate for this painting, one of the simplistic, soppy scenes the Pre-Raphs delighted in inflicting on the world.”
—Slow Burne (Josh Spero)

7. This apology:

8. A feature on English aristocrats and their pet birds, which includes a peacock named “Polyphemus,” two dead pheasants, and a chicken named “Peeku.” Also, an interview with Valentino’s four pugs: Mary, Maude, Milton and Margot.