Ancient Grains Archive

Your Karaoke Fantasy and Mine, Plus Booze

I'm a pretty decent singer? However, my background is literally Anglican plainchant, for which you are not meant to shine. I have decent pitch-matching and I blend into the sound of other people very nicely, which is very useful in choral music and completely useless for grabbing a microphone and causing people ...Read More

Directions to Pound Town

You coming in or just want to let flies get through my nice screen door? Come on in, honey, we don't bite. Not even Darryl here [jerks head toward Darryl, who does not move]. Can I getcha cup a coffee? Piece a pie? We got brochures to the cavern tours if you're ...Read More

Very Wise Things

I've become obsessed recently with receiving wisdom. Not, like, Pinterest-fake-Marilyn-Monroe-wisdom: pro-tip, she did not say any of those stupid things. I mean, actual things people have said to you in conversation that are deeply wise. Whether because you're in crisis, or because the person in question is very old and learned ("the ...Read More

A World Without Coffee Metaphors

Imagine a world without espresso-based drinks and desserts. How would white dudes even describe women's skin? They would stumble about openmouthed and speechless, unable to cobble together even the simplest of metaphors. Instead of skin like café au lait: "Her skin was like hot black coffee with the smallest amount of half-and-half mixed ...Read More

This Week in Reading: Samantha Irby and Tom Kizzia

Previous installments of "This Week in Reading" can be found here. Most recently: French Women. I had a particularly good week reading things, so let's start with my favourite thing: recommending a debut volume by a female author. I never get to do that, because I almost always read new things ...Read More

The Rise and Fall of Vivian Davis, Bank Robber

Alexis Coe’s past essays on women's history for The Toast can be found here. Most recently: Vera Atkins, Spymistress. There is no record for Vivian Davis before the 1920 United States Census. She first appears as a single, 18-year-old boarder in Kansas City, Missouri. The ...Read More

Christ, I Am So Glad It Is Stonehenge Week Again

Do you have any fucking idea what it's like to be a Druid, knowing the sum total of public awareness of your entire fucking civilization is that fucking burnout festival Stonehenge? Like that's the only thing Druids ever do, is drag bluestones out to Salisbury and wait for the sun to rise ...Read More

Freaky Monday: Hated TV Wives Edition

It has long been a dream of mine to throw a party where everyone has to come dressed as an unpopular wife from a prestigious drama on cable television and treat each other with respect the entire night. I would dearly love to see just one day on TV where all the fancy, brutal ...Read More