Howard
Howard are you in there?
WHO IS IT
it’s me
how long have you been locked in here?
LONGER THAN TIME
are you planning on coming out anytime soon?
for food or for anything?
I WENT OUTSIDE ONCE
IT WAS TERRIBLE
EVERYONE WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET BUT THEY WEREN’T DESCENDED FROM THE MAYFLOWER
yes that
that happens sometimes
Texts From H.P. Lovecraft
Texts From
Aug 24, 2015
Texts From Charles Bukowski
Texts From
Jul 01, 2015
As a young man I could not believe that people could give their lives over to those conditions. As an old man, I still can’t believe it.
what do you mean
like
going to work?
What do they do it for? Sex?
what
no
that’s not why people go to work and you know it
TV?
i mean that’s not the primary reason
An automobile on monthly payments? Or children?
yes
obviously
that is why most people go to their jobs
is to pay their bills and also feed their families
Children who are just going to do the same things that they did?
are you honestly asking me to explain the circle of life to you right now
“Hey, the boss can come in here at any moment and lay all of us off, just like that, don’t you realize that?”
yes
we all realize that
Texts From Hieronymus Bosch
Artwork, Texts From
May 21, 2015
i painted you something
you did?
oh good
I’m glad to hear that you have been keeping busy
do you want to see it
oh
I
what’s the painting of?
just a regular bird
oh okay
I’d like to see that
what do you think
pretty regular huh
Texts From The Dashwoods
Texts From
Jan 21, 2015
Father is gone, Fanny
he died this morning
not on the good couch?
the what?
the good couch
you know how i feel about relations dying on the good couch
that’s for guests only
no no, my love
he died in bed
whose bed?
his bed
oh
that’s all right then
Texts From F. Scott Fitzgerald
Texts From
Nov 05, 2014
The good folks at Buzzfeed asked me to write a bunch of break-up texts between various literary figures (as this is part of my house of wheel) when I was in the office yesterday, and I have obliged. It was very fun, even though my hand hurt after writing roughly four sentences in pen, because I have lost the skill of writing things out by hand entirely.
ZELDA MY LIGHT
MY LOVE MY OWN
I HAVE FINISHED THE BOOK
I COULD NEVER HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU, MY GENIUS ANGEL
oh i’m so glad you think so
i actually wrote a book too
WHAT
YOU’RE HYSTERICAL
I CAN’T UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU’RE SAYING
“Texts From,” The Book
Ancient Grains, Texts From
Dec 02, 2013
Would you like to read a book with your best friends William Carlos Williams and Emily Dickinson and Lord Byron and William Blake and T.S. Eliot? How fortunate for you that this dream will soon become a reality. Thanks to the combined and industrious efforts of Kate McKean (agent of self) and Allison Adler (editor of self) at Holt, the day is not too far off that you will be able to hold assorted, fictional text messages from literary characters who do not in fact exist in your hot little hands.
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Texts From Cormac McCarthy
Ancient Grains, Texts From
Nov 20, 2013
just got here
saving you a table
hey
you on your way?
hey
are you coming?
You forget what you want to remember
and you remember what you want to forget
look
it’s fine if you can’t make it
it’s just people are starting to head home
but if you’re on your way
Nobody wants to be here and nobody wants to leave
oh
Texts From Lord Byron
Ancient Grains, Texts From
Nov 07, 2013
uuuuuuugghhhh my life
what is it?
what’s wrong?
uuuuuuuugh
is there something specific that’s the matter?
or anything I can do to help?
uuuugh
my liiiiife
do you want me to come over?
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughghghghhhhh