Previously in this series: If Michelle Obama Were Your Girlfriend.

If Idris Elba were your boyfriend, your guilty pleasure Mumford and Sons air-banjo jam sessions would no longer be furtive or suspect.

If Idris Elba were your boyfriend, he would accompany you to the comic book store every Wednesday to pick up your new issues. Your Comic Book Guy would know you both by name, but you’d be delighted when he occasionally slipped up and called you “Misty and Luke.”

If Idris Elba were your boyfriend, the game of golf would never be watched, mentioned, or played by either of you. There would be no discussion of this; it would simply be a mutual understanding.

If Idris Elba were your boyfriend, he would accept that your definition of “working out” is watching him work out and then posting pictures of his deadlifts on Instagram while eating jellybeans by the handful.

Jasmine Guillory’s work for The Toast can be found here.

Previously in this series: If John Cho Were Your Boyfriend.

If Michelle Obama were your girlfriend, she would make you get up and go to the gym with her at 5:30 in the morning every day, but she would stand next to you and lovingly cheer you on the whole time, cheering loudest when you finally managed to do one whole push-up.

If Michelle Obama were your girlfriend, you would automatically get four inches taller.

If Michelle Obama were your girlfriend, Center Stage would come back to Netflix streaming, and the two of you would watch it together at least once a month. Michelle would always make popcorn (on the stovetop) and you would open a bottle of wine.

If Michelle Obama was your girlfriend, she would go shopping with you on a rushed trip to find a dress to wear to a wedding. She would reach into the racks and pull out the perfect flirty little patterned dress. It would fit like it was made for you, and it would be on sale.

You know how you feel when you walk down the street with your headphones on listening to Run This Town? That’s how you would feel all the time if Michelle Obama were your girlfriend.

Also by Victoria Baritz and Sulagna Misra: If Chris Evans Were Your Boyfriend.

If Hayley Atwell were your girlfriend, you would emerge from each make-out session like you’d been through a bloody war on account of all the lipstick. A sexy bloody war.

If Hayley Atwell were your girlfriend, you’d never get caught in another “listening to a man” nodding trap again. “Excuse me, she has someone more important to talk to,” she’d say as she whisked you away.

If Hayley Atwell were your girlfriend, the two of you would be the kind of carefree hostesses who wouldn’t mind if there were a little dust on the windowsills and some magazines left on the couch. The conversation would be so good, no one would even notice.

If Hayley Atwell were your girlfriend, she’d support you when you decide to boycott the wedding-industrial complex. “They’re registered at Williams-Sonoma!” you’d fume. “They know I have student loans!” “I’m sure you don’t have to get them something expensive,” Hayley would reassure you. “What if I just don’t go?” you’d ask, looking for her permission. But she would agree to go with you as your date and help you with a thoughtful homemade gift.

If Hayley Atwell were your girlfriend, you would tell her about your frustrating workplace politics and she’d go, “Well, they sound like a bunch of absolute fools.” And then she would tell you exactly how to enact some Matilda-like revenge and loan you her welding tools to mess with their office chairs.

Previously in this series: If Channing Tatum Were Your Boyfriend & If Kristen Stewart Were Your Girlfriend.

If Chris Evans were your boyfriend, you might become the kind of person who likes going to the gym. You’d take a stroll on the treadmill, enjoy a smoothie, and maybe take a nap in the sauna. Then you and Chris Evans would go out for brunch. You’d ask for extra whipped cream on your pancakes. After all, you and Chris Evans both know that you deserve it.

If Chris Evans were your boyfriend, the two of you would rescue a puppy together. You’d find him on your way home from brunch one Sunday. He’d look pretty shaky at first, but the vet would say he’d pull through, and you’d take turns feeding him with a bottle and teaching him how to walk downstairs. Chris Evans would name him Bucky.

If Chris Evans were your boyfriend, the two of you would eventually end up owning seven dogs in total, who may or may not be named after the Avengers. You’d always wake up to someone jumping on the bed with a bark of excitement, nuzzling your ear. Sometimes it would be the dogs. Mostly it would be Chris Evans.