Red lipstick is one of the few makeup looks that has always remained current, no matter the era.

My e-book romance novella publisher, a self-professed white man, has asked me to write an “Urban romance.”

It's everything you ever wanted: Marty Feldman, Madeline Kahn, and Gene Wilder all vigorously bunny-hopping in an attic together. From The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother (not Mycroft but the jealous Sigerson), which is not at all bad!

SANSA IS SO BIG NOW.

Putting the finishing touches on a scathing satirical novel about this place.

"Scientists have discovered a shark that glows in the deep ocean and is so tiny that it might even fit in your hand."

Happy New Year, Toasts!

2016 is the year you’ll dance like nobody’s watching but also like an art teacher: “Say You Love Me” by Fleetwood Mac

There was nothing Sir Walter Scott delighted in more than a pair of flashing eyes. No one is safe from them. Whether you are a fiercely proud Jewess beset by seducers and knaves, a set-in-his-ways baron who disapproves of the young men at court, a mad bride, or just the Fair Maid of Perth, sooner or later your eyes will flash.

As the two people who usually read and respond to Toast submissions, we the Nicoles thought it would it be fun to come up with a short list of our favorite freelance pieces this year.

Admit it, this holiday season sucked. As did the entirety of 2015, so far. Did anyone buy you perfect wedge boots? No. No they did not. And now, here you are, stepping in cat puke in your bare feet. What's wrong with the cat? You'll figure it out tomorrow. Today is for buying your own damn boots.

If Jenny Lewis were your girlfriend, one day you’d come home to find her painting a giant rainbow on your living room wall and you wouldn’t even be mad. “It’s beautiful,” you would say, setting down the gluten-free pizza you brought home. “No, you are,” she would reply, stroking your cheek with a wet paintbrush.

If Jenny Lewis were your girlfriend, your bangs would never need to be trimmed.

If Jenny Lewis were your girlfriend,

…

Please consider this your home until Monday. Have at it, my beautiful librarians and archivists!

MONK #1 : why would anyone hold hands
MONK #2 : to protect the tiny witch hiding underneath them writing you a poem