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ayn rand rewrites Archive

Ayn Rand’s Charlotte’s Web

“But we have received a sign, Edith – a mysterious sign. A miracle has happened on this farm…in the middle of the web there were the words ‘Some Pig’…we have no ordinary pig.”

“Well,” said Mrs. Zuckerman, “it seems to me you’re a little off. It seems to me we have no ordinary spider.”

“Ah, there you have it,” said her husband. “The extraordinary spider is acting not out of altruism but out of a recognition of value. Any rational being with a healthy sense of self-interest cannot help but love what it values, and cannot love something that is not valuable. Don’t you see? To love is to value. An extraordinary spider, who cannot help but see her own value, has recognized the value in the pig. What is,” he quizzed his wife, “the first, and therefore most important part, of ‘I love you’?”

“Why, I, of course,” Mrs. Zuckerman said. “I think I see it now! There is no love without the love of self!”

“And that,” her husband said, smiling fondly at her, “is why I love you.”

“You love me because of your own rational self-interest!” she cried. “And so it is with the pig!”

“Whose value,” her husband said, “will only increase with continued attention. Is it not an act of self-interest to postpone his slaughter to draw bigger crowds to our farm, and command higher prices for the meat our farm produces, as a result of the pig’s fame?”

“Of course,” she said. “We sacrifice very little, and stand to gain much, in the mercy we grant this individual pig.”

“Continuing,” he said, “to slaughter all of the other animals; making a single exception for Wilbur to increase the value of our products, rather than reordering the values we currently hold ourselves.”

While they were talking, the spider had rearranged her web to read ᴜʟᴛɪᴍᴀᴛᴇ ᴠᴀʟᴜᴇ ɪs ᴅᴇᴛᴇʀᴍɪɴᴇᴅ ʙʏ sᴇʟғ-ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛᴇᴅ ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ. It glistened as pure and as clear as unregulated capitalism in the morning sunlight.

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Ayn Rand’s The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe

“If the witch understood the true meaning of sacrifice, she might have interpreted the Deep Magic differently, for when a willing victim who has committed no treachery, dies in a traitor’s stead, the stone table will crack and even death itself will turn backwards.”

“Oh, how interesting,” Lucy said. “What is the true meaning of sacrifice, Aslan?”

“It is an artificial anti-concept,” Aslan said in his low, golden voice. “It is the ultimate force of destruction. The very word self less suggests self-immolation, a complete annihilation of one’s own self for the sake of others. Sacrifice destroys knowledge, skill, talent, usefulness, all in the name of duty. It destroys love and self-esteem, which are the same thing. Self-sacrifice is an immoral nightmare.”

“I don’t quite understand,” Lucy said. “Does this mean Edmund is going to die instead of you?”

“Let us put it this way,” Aslan said. “If I exchange a penny for a dollar, have I made a sacrifice?”

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Ayn Rand’s If You Give A Mouse A Cookie

If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to ask for a glass of milk, because charity encourages helplessness and ingratitude.

When you give him the milk, he’ll probably ask you for a straw. Altruism does not result in gratefulness; it results in a sense of expectation and entitlement in the receiver. He has been given something for nothing. What have you taught him about the value of his own labor? Nothing. You have given him not a cookie but your own self-esteem. When he’s finished, he’ll ask you for a napkin, and you will have no grounds on which to deny him, for you have conditioned him to suckle uselessly at your teat. Then he’ll want to look in a mirror to make sure he doesn’t have a milk mustache.

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Ayn Rand’s The Baby-Sitters Club

The idea sets the detail. An idea, like a man, is alive; its integrity is to serve its own truth, its own single purpose. An idea cannot borrow hunks of its soul piecemeal any more than a man can borrow pieces of his body from another. The idea, and the Club, was mine. To say the four of us worked on it together is a form of truth, in the same way it is true to say that Homer and his pen-sharpener composed the Iliad.

“Us” is Mary Anne Spier, Claudia Kishi, Stacey McGill, and me – Kristy Thomas. There cannot be an “us” without four “I”s, do you hear me? I have, let’s say, another sixty years to live, seventy if I husband my health carefully. Most of that time will be spent working. I have chosen the work I want to do. If I find no joy in it, then I’m only condemning myself to a handful of decades of torture. And I can find the joy only if I do my work in the best way possible to me. But the best is a matter of standards, and I set my own standards. I inherit nothing. I stand at the end of no tradition. There have been no Baby-Sitters Clubs before like this one. There may never be another like it again.

I will be remembered as either a great man or a criminal. I shall leave it to others to do the remembering. Myself, I am content to act.

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Ayn Rand’s Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows

Previously in this series: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

“Should it be wizards first, then?” she asked.

“We’re all human, aren’t we? Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving.”

Harry looked at Kingsley. His mouth opened slightly, then closed. “I will give you the gift of silence in exchange for that,” he said at last, turning and reaching for the door. “Let’s go.”

***

“While you can still call home the place where your mother’s blood dwells,” Dumbledore said, “there you cannot be touched or harmed by Voldemort. He shed her blood, but it lives on in you and her sister. Her blood became your refuge. You need return there only once a year, but as long as you can still call it home, there he cannot hurt you. Your aunt knows this. I explained what I had done in the letter I left, with you, on her doorstep. She knows that allowing you houseroom may well have kept you alive for the past fifteen years.”

“I think I understand,” Harry said. “The right to life is the source of all rights -— and the right to property is their only implementation.”

Dumbledore smiled. “Which means…”

“Which means that without property rights,” Harry exclaimed triumphantly, “no other rights are possible.”

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Ayn Rand’s You’ve Got Mail

Kathleen: I started helping my mother after school here when I was six years old. And I used to watch her. And it wasn’t that she was just selling books, it was that she was helping people become whoever it was (that) they were going to turn out to be. Because when you read a book as a child it becomes part of your identity in a way that no other reading in your whole life does.
Joe: Working, at six? How enterprising of you. What did she pay you?
Kathleen: What? No, I was…I just liked helping out around the store.
Joe: Helping? You performed basic tasks that ensured the store’s continued profitability and existence?
Kathleen: Well. I guess it was working. In a sense.
Joe: For free. You were enslaved, then.
Kathleen: I wouldn’t put it like that, exactly…
Joe: Tell me, did you ask your mother to give birth to you?
Kathleen: Of course not.
Joe: Then whence your moral obligation to provide her with unpaid labor?
Kathleen: I…I suppose there isn’t.
Joe: On what grounds did she have the right to demand free work from you?

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Ayn Rand’s Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince

Previously in this series (yeah, we’re doing all seven): Ayn Rand’s Harry Potter and Order of the Phoenix.

“Felix Felicis,” Professor Slughorn said in hushed tones, holding the amber bottle up to the light. “Liquid luck, they call it. Bottled fortune. Brewed correctly the drinker of this potion will be lucky in all their endeavours, but be warned…excessive consumption is highly toxic and can cause extreme recklessness.”

Harry knocked over his chair and stood on Hermione’s legs in order to be heard. His voice rumbled like a granite freight train.

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Ayn Rand’s Sweet Valley High

Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield are identical twins at Sweet Valley High. They’re both popular, smart, and gorgeous, but that’s where the similarity ends. Though they are twins, they are first and foremost individuals. Elizabeth is friendly, outgoing, and sincere—nothing like her twin, who knows better than to worry about pleasing others. Snobbish and conniving, Jessica thinks the whole world revolves around her. And most of the time it does, because she is a woman who knows how to translate her will into reality. Jessica always gets what she wants—at school, with friends, and especially with boys.

Do not make the same mistake as so many others have in Sweet Valley, the ignorant children who think that an individualist is someone who does as she pleases at everyone else’s expense. The expense of others doesn’t enter into it. An individual like Jessica recognizes that her rights matter only insofar as they do not trample on the rights of others. She will not run anyone else’s life, but neither will she let anyone else, from the highest Bruce Patman to the lowliest Winston Egbert, run hers. She neither rules (like Lila Fowler) nor is ruled (like Enid Rollins). 

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