Dear Applicant,

Thank you for submitting your recent inquiry. According to our records, on September 27th, you interrupted a conversation with your request: “Look, if I could just play devil’s advocate for a second here…”

It’s with very real regret that we must inform you that your petition to play devil’s advocate has been denied. Thank you for your interest in the devil’s advocate position; we realize that this is disappointing and would like to assure you that your candidacy was considered very carefully. As you know, we receive an overwhelming number of requests to play devil’s advocate every day, and while we would like to accommodate them all, we simply don’t have the resources to do so.