hello there
Miss Davis, is it
allow me to tell you –
please do not speak to me like that, sir
I can see your wedding ring
oh, this?
no, no, no
you’ve got the wrong idea
I mean, yes, I’m married
but I’ve already written four books about how the Church should let me leave my wife
I see
one of them is called THE ROD OF PUNISHMENT
so
you know
this ring doesn’t really count
mm
on account of how much I hate being married to her

Originally.

PEOPLE OF ATHENS: at last our city is complete

CECROPS: my people
now we must decide which of the gods we will offer our worship to
who among the deities of Olympus will we select to watch over us
shall it be Poseidon? Lord of the sea, creator of the horse, to protect our warships and supply us with battle stallions?
or shall it be Athena, goddess of wisdom and justice?

Previously in the Worst Boyfriends in Literary History Series: Lord Alfred Douglas.

hey
are you home rn
yes
can i come over
who is this
rimbaud
who
the poet?
i sent you like
a bunch of my poems
and you said i should come to Paris
anyhow im in Paris
and i dont really know anyone here so idk where to sleep or live or eat or anything
look don’t worry about it just like
can i come over
oh
all right
great
you can come pick me up the Gare du Midi police station
sorry?
well i cant come over until someone pays this fine
and its sort of your fault that im even in Paris in the first place

Previously: Dirtbag Aphrodite.

AEGEUS: ah my son
tales of your bravery have reached me long before you arrived
you have slain Procrustes — Sinis — Sciron — the Pallantides — and cleared this land of robbers and evildoers
tell me, how did you —
THESEUS: its pretty simple
i just kill everyone i meet til i get where i’m going
AEGEUS: ah
THESEUS: its simpler that way
i dont have to keep track

AEGEUS: Brave Theseus
you must help us defeat the Minotaur
promise me only that upon your return you will replace the black sails of death with the white sails of triumph
that I know you are alive and I am not bereft in my old age
for if you do not return — if i see the black sails again — i shall throw myself into the sea and end my sorrows
THESEUS: black sails, death, got it