The Surreal Housewives: Episode Guide
Season 1, Ep. 1: In the series premiere, Babou throws a masquerade party in the middle of the desert, but the guests get out of control when they realize their Venetian disguises are covering a universal lack of heads.
Season 1, Ep. 2: Pinal tries to mend broken staircases that only ever ascend into other staircases by inviting the housewives to the opening of her new moustache-wax store. Rrose accuses Marcelle of lying about her recent plastic surgery after Marcelle’s face starts melting into the crudités.
Season 1, Ep. 3: Luisa has been talking behind Pinal’s back, but also in front of it, and off to the side. Frankly, it’s really hard to know where to talk about Pinal ever since she started looking like the back of her head from all angles, and no matter how many times you try to walk around her, you’re never fast enough.
Season 1, Ep. 4: Halfway through this episode, time starts running in a sort of sideways curlicue fashion, making it extremely difficult for Yves to make it to her spray-tanning appointment.
Season 1, Ep. 3, but also not 3, numbers are just a human construct with no inherent meaning: Everyone just needs to calm down, already. Those weren’t naked sushi models beneath the hibachi chef’s santoku, they were calves’ eyes.
Season 1, Ep. 5½: The cast is shocked to only now be learning that Marcelle is actually just hundreds of thousands of ants swarming over a tower of floating green apples, carrying her third new Birkin this year.
Season 1, Ep. 6ish: Pinal hires a pet therapist when she returns home to find her most recent Dior purchase covered in ocelot piss.
Season 2, Ep. -4: Luisa’s kitchen remodel takes up more and more of her time, in part because it wasn’t designed with any entry or exit points.
Season 1, Ep. #: Yves learns that Lee is actually just Yves’s upside-down reflection in a pond, though she insists to Luisa that her own arms aren’t phalluses. Across town, Babou’s annual fall bonfire is nearly ruined when her party planner realizes that the giraffes are too damp to light.
Season 1, Ep. : Marcelle and Lee are embarrassed when they both show up to Pinal’s dinner party wearing the same tangle of writhing, seemingly bodiless limbs.
Season 1, Ep. 37/3: After an unfortunate incident with the decorative urinal, Babou is starting to wonder whether she should fire her nanny, R.
Season 1, Ep. π: Rrose is unsure whether her extensive bowler-hat collection is more of an implicit attack on the inherited morality and excessive rationalism of the bourgeoisie, or the reason her hair has been starting to look a little thin lately, even right after a blowout.
Season 1, Ep. ?: Babou thinks Luisa may have been cheating with her husband, Max, but no one can really figure out where Babou’s vagina ends and Luisa’s begins, or whether those are really vaginas at all, they also look sort of like sentient roto-rooters.
Season Q, Ep. Umlaut: Ceci n’est pas une episode.
*
1. Elle Loge la Folie by Roberto Matta, 1970
2. L’Ange du Foyer ou le Triomphe du Surréalisme by Max Ernst, 1937
3. Indefinite Divisibility by Yves Tanguy, 1942
4. Exploration of the Source of the Orinoco River by Remedios Varo, 1959
About Author
by Jilly Gagnon
Jilly Gagnon lives and writes in Boston. She's currently working, but not talking about her work on, her first young adult novel.
"Season 2, Ep. -4: Luisa’s kitchen remodel takes up more and more of her time, in part because it wasn’t designed with any entry or exit points."
Sublime.
<img src "http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyu3v7qPxZ1qi7deco1_400.gif">
DAMMIT
trying and failing to post gif
<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyu3v7qPxZ1qi7deco1_400.gif">
Thank you!
(How did you do that?!)
My pleasure. You were just missing an equals sign between src and the quotation mark!
<img src="http://media.giphy.com/media/a3IWyhkEC0p32/giphy.gif">
AHAHAHAHA
I want to know if someone off camera is pushing this dog's lick button
my cat has a lick button on her spine about an inch below her shoulder blades and when you scratch it she HAS to lick something, usually her own leg
Episode three is my life.
Gritty crime dramas are so BORING; I would rather watch some housewives struggle with the essence of reality. And shoes!
All of this is wonderful, but this in particular –
"Rrose accuses Marcelle of lying about her recent plastic surgery after Marcelle’s face starts melting into the crudités."
- that's close to the most perfect of images.
I love this show. My winged monkeys and I like to watch while we sip tea out of cups lined with fur. The picture's not too good, though–half the time the screen just shows the backs of our own heads.
Not gonna lie, I'd watch this relgiously.
Season 1, Ep. 5½: The cast is shocked to only now be learning that Marcelle is actually just hundreds of thousands of ants swarming over a tower of floating green apples, carrying her third new Birkin this year.
this right here, perfect.
as a real housewives fan AND a surrealism fan, I have to say, I would watch the shit out of this.