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"Spritz, dab, splash, roll. There are only ...Read MoreAncient Grains Archive
The Vogue-iest Parts of the September 2013 Issue of Vogue
Ancient Grains, Loose Threads
Sep 04, 2013
Previous installments in this series can be found here.
"Emma Bloomberg, the foundation’s 34-year-old chief of staff, stands poised and seemingly unflappable in discreet jewels and one of the quietly elegant sleeveless sheath dresses she favors (the better to show her impressively CrossFit-toned arms)."
On the Transformative Power of High School Musical
Ancient Grains, Movies
Sep 04, 2013
n late 2008 I thought Zac Efron had a weird plastic mannequin face and my mother was diagnosed with Stage IV brain cancer. Three months later, I still thought Zac Efron had a weird plastic mannequin face and my mother was dead.
This isn't the cancer essay or the dead parent essay; for
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Drumline vs. Everything Else: Ranking Unrelated, Long-Since Released Movies For Absolutely No Reason
Ancient Grains, Movies
Sep 04, 2013
The greatest movie of the last twenty years is the movie Drumline. The movie Drumline is about a group of young whimsical drummists at a fictional university in Georgia. Nick Cannon is a special drummist, and he turns the drumline upside down with his newfangled ways, which are tremendous. There's a scene where a
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Tim Curry and Morgan Freeman Finally Take You Up On Offer To Read The Phone Book
Ancient Grains, Magic, Movies
Sep 03, 2013
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY.
A NONDESCRIPT WOMAN is sitting on her couch, listlessly clicking through Lisa "Left-Eye" YouTube tribute videos. The front of her shirt is covered in crumbs. She is humming "Marry Me a Little" softly to herself, clashing with the music currently playing on her computer. The doorbell rings. She
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Another Empty, Lifeless Planet Found
Ancient Grains, science
Sep 03, 2013
Scientists using NASA's Hubble Space Telescope have discovered yet another dead and lifeless planet drifting around a silent, pulsing sun-like star over 100 light-years away.
Members of the research team were able to muster enough false excitement and strained smiles to call a press conference. A representative from the team described the new
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Jeremy Brett: The Fan Fiction
Ancient Grains, Television
Sep 03, 2013
For previous installments in our series of fan fictions about the actors who play Sherlock Holmes, click here.
Year: 2013
Place: London
Smaller place: Ye Olde Mitre
Smallest place: A table for three, with the two friends seated next to each other, sweetly, and the reporter across.
REPORTER: How remarkable that you two know each other!
NICOLE:
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The Celebrity Goes to Africa
Ancient Grains, Travel
Sep 03, 2013
The celebrity is in Africa. You know the celebrity from movies, or from being in a royal family, or from making an apology on television after saying what they really thought on television. An embedded reporter from The Toast was given exclusive access to the celebrity as he or she visited several buildings
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You Can Eat Sweeter Chocolate, If You Want To
Ancient Grains, Food
Sep 03, 2013
How did it come to this?
There's nothing wrong with dark chocolate, let's just get that out of the way. I have frequently eaten and enjoyed dark chocolate. What I object to, in part, is the moving of goalposts on what constitutes dark chocolate. Ten years ago, if you purchased chocolate containing
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