Ancient Grains Archive
Gentle Epiphanies For Books I Will Never Write
Ancient Grains, Books
Jul 26, 2013
"Because it wasn't just my private Idaho anymore. It was our private Idaho."
"I straightened my tie. Looked in the mirror. For the first time in a long time, I liked what I saw. It was time to stop playing devil's advocate. Time to grow up. Time to work at being a real
...Read More
Brian’s Picks
Ancient Grains, Uncategorized
Jul 26, 2013
Peckerweight Books
333 E. 234th St.
NY, NY, 10011
Attn: Brian of "Brian's Picks"
Dear Brian,
I was dismayed to walk into Peckerweight Books and find that you had selected A Tumescent Marriage, the much-anticipated third novel by bestselling author Nick Grossman, as one of "Brian's Picks." I have been a loyal consumer of your bookstore for years,
...Read More
Texts From J. Alfred Prufrock
Ancient Grains, Poetry, Texts From
Jul 26, 2013
do you want to go out tonight
where
idk
like a one-night cheap hotel
or maybe one of those sawdust restaurants
Sawdust restaurants?
Like with the peanut shells on the floor?
with oyster shells
Oyster shells on the floor?
let's have a tedious argument in the streets
have you been drinking?
the sky is so beautiful tonight
like a patient etherized on
...Read More
Actually the Saddest Girl
Ancient Grains, Music
Jul 26, 2013
Mallory's Who Is the Saddest Girl? piece had one glaring omission. Literally no one can be sadder than the sad girl in Stars' (awesome) "Elevator Love Letter."
Let's revisit:
1. She's so hard for a rich girl.
2. Her heels are high, her eyes cast low.
3. She doesn't know how to love.
...Read More
The Maestro
Ancient Grains, Humor
Jul 26, 2013
Once you enter into a relationship with The Maestro, you will find it difficult to excuse yourself. The Maestro does not conduct music, nor does he conduct trains.
Will you have sex with The Maestro? Yes, and often. You will enjoy it more than we’ll initially admit. Will you dream about him? You
...Read More
Pantyhose Years
Ancient Grains, Work
Jul 25, 2013
He always wore pantyhose, sometimes more than one pair at the same time, and exclusively thick compression hose, the type made for nurses. They’re only available in the ugliest of colors, shades that approximate the tone of old bruises, but I wore them, too, because he asked me to. I still save
...Read More
Wings, Sixteen Years Later: The Sixteen Thoughts That Remain
Ancient Grains, Television
Jul 25, 2013
1. The pilot episode remains deeply charming. Also, it was a pilot about pilots. That is a tiny nugget of joy that was given to you by the universe for free. Swaddle it gently in your arms. Treasure it. The entire series run is available both on Netflix streaming and on YouTube,
...Read More
Steven Weber: The Original Slacker Boyfriend
Ancient Grains, Television
Jul 25, 2013
In 1990, I was 6 years old and about to meet my new love. It wasn’t Andy Belden, the boy with the golden blonde hair of an East Coast-Zach Morris, who I had a crush on from 1st to 3rd grade. It was Brian Hackett, the character played by born-in-1961 actor, Steven
...Read More