Ancient Grains Archive

John Candy’s Name in 23 Different Languages

Juan Dulce (Spanish) Giovanni Caramelle (Italian) Džonas Saldainiai (Lithuanian) キャンディ助音 (Japanese) Jean Bonbons (French) Johan Suikergoad (Dutch) ...Read More

The Best Line Readings in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Previously: The best line readings in When Harry Met Sally. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles is the greatest movie about Thanksgiving ever made, and John Candy is one of the greatest things the human race has ever produced. He was a funny man, and he was a good person, and he often wore ...Read More

Stage Directions: A Short Story

The sound of a door shutting is heard from below. They do not move. She waits, at the end of patience. Half-dressed, comes to the door. Gropes distractedly about, seizes HELMER'S domino, throws it round her, while she says in quick, hoarse, spasmodic whispers. Laughing. She holds her face up to his. He stifles her. ...Read More

The Single Flaw in When Harry Met Sally

As you know, The Toast takes an extremely high view of When Harry Met Sally, and would even go so far as to call Bruno Kirby the John Cazale of comedy (died too young, appeared in almost exclusively perfect movies). And yet there is a flaw. A single ...Read More

Thanksgiving Open Thread

Today is American Thanksgiving! You may have some feelings about it, or you might have already celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving, or you might just really like stuffing. Here is your place to talk amongst yourselves about that. ...Read More

Dad Magazine: Thanksgiving Edition

The Thanksgiving edition of Dad Magazine is here. ...Read More

Impossible Movie Remakes I Demand To See Nonetheless

1. Issa Rae in Ever After. Dougray Scott is already perfect in his role -- and you know what, so is Anjelica Huston, so it would have to be just some sort of stop-motion capture situation where Issa Rae has to green-screen herself over Drew Barrymore and insert herself into the 1998 ...Read More

Are You My Mother?

Previously: The Hunger of the Caterpillar and The Giving Tree. A mother bird sat on her egg. The egg jumped. "Oh, oh!" said the mother bird. "My baby will be here. He will want to eat. I must get something for my baby bird to eat," she said. "I will be back!" So ...Read More