Ancient Grains Archive

She Said, She Said: Advice About Dating Disclosures

Previous installments of The Toast’s advice column from two disparate and imperfect persons can be found here. Last time: Cultural Appropriation. I have recently started seeing a Gentleman Caller. Things have not progressed too far, but they have progressed rather more quickly than I expected. This concerns me because I come ...Read More

Link Roundup!

This typhoon, guys! Terrifying.

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All the popular etymologies are lies. No, "tips" does not come from To Insure Prompt Service, so tell that guy to shut up. All of the other things ...Read More

Putting Your Face On With Adwoa Asiedu

This is the story of how an awkward, funny-looking teenager became an awkward (funny-looking but working it) woman who loves make-up, nail art and all things sparkly. Now, darlings, when I say I was awkward, I feel like you don't yet understand the severity of the situation. Please see conclusive evidence below:

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Foreshadowing and Continuity in Wet Hot American Summer

Until the world is finally given a Room 237-style documentary about the filming of Wet Hot American Summer (or, at the very least, the sequel we have been teasingly promised), we will have to make do with what we have. Here is a partial but by no means exhaustive list of the intentional errors, ...Read More

Step Out Of The Car, Please: Eileen’s Story

Previous entries in the DUI series can be found here The night I was arrested on my first drunk driving offense, I was chauffeuring a car full of teenagers and a 30-pack of beer from a keg party on the eastern outskirts of town to another keg party on the western outskirts ...Read More

Feel the Burn: Mailbag! Posture! Desk Jobs!

Previous installments of “Feel the Burn” can be found here. Most recently, we talked about that aggro fitspo picture on Facebook. From the mailbag this week: Would you be open to addressing stretching or somehow limbering up in your Feel the Burn column? Context: I run as my primary form of exercise ...Read More

Texts From Lord Byron

uuuuuuugghhhh my life what is it? what's wrong? uuuuuuuugh is there something specific that's the matter? or anything I can do to help? uuuugh my liiiiife do you want me to come over? uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughghghghhhhh ...Read More

Happy Birthday, Joni Mitchell!

Joni is 70, which means we only have at least 50-60 more years with her. Please enjoy this classic interview, and a carefully-curated selection of videos of Joni Mitchell being perfect and then one video of a different cool dame covering "Down to You," which is the ...Read More