Your Resentments Will Be Very Happy Here

You’re always welcome to stop in for a tour. Everything about the grounds is designed to say: “Welcome. We think your resentments will be very happy here.” That’s why we greet every visitor with the same reminder that’s served as our unofficial slogan ever since our founding: Your Resentments Are Our Business.

There are many good reasons an owner may decide to entrust his resentments to us for a long or a short stay. You can rest easy knowing that whether you’ve left your resentments with us for six months or just a few days, they’ll be well-looked-after. We offer a wide range of affordable packages and are equipped to look after multiple resentments just as well as single ones.

Your first stop is the reception area. This is where you will check in for boarding, grooming, bathing, and appointments. If you are here for a first-time visit, we have very uncomfortable exam rooms, where your resentments will be examined for overall health, persistence, depth, breadth, width, height, creativity, emotional grounding, self-justification, and vividness.

Next, someone from our dedicated staff will be more than happy to take you on a tour of the grounds where your resentments will be staying. If you prefer to have your resentments grouped together or boarded separately, just ask: we’re happy to accommodate any request. (Our surgical facility even includes a state-of-the-art laser for precision work! We can now add or remove entire characters from any resentment in less than an hour.)

Resentment owners can go back to work, their daily lives, and even on vacation knowing that their resentments are in good hands. While you’re away, we’ll be feeding your resentments, making sure they get all the nutrients they need to thrive and grow. We’ll be exercising your resentments, so they stay strong and vibrant, always ready to pop up at the back of your mind when you’re trying to focus on something else. They’ll be kept on a consistent routine, so that they’ll be prepared to work in perfect synchronization with you, no matter what else you’re doing.

Our goal is to encourage all resentments to develop total self-sufficiency — to remind them why you created them in the first place, until they can achieve autonomy and practice self-care. Ideally, they won’t need you at all the day you come to pick them up. You won’t have to lift a finger to keep them alive. They’ll wake you up in the morning, and they’ll be there when you go to sleep at night. They’ll feed themselves (no need to wait for you to get around to it!). They’ll know their own history. No need for you to rummage through your faulty memory to try to remember when they were born or who caused them or whether or not you should reexamine your own behavior. Your resentments will already have all the answers. You’ve taken care of them for so long; why not let them take care of you?

Our guarantee is that whether you’re gone for a day or a year, your resentments will be ready for you when you get back. That’s why our motto is “It’s Like You Never Left At All.”

[Image via Wikipedia]