Ancient Grains Archive

In Defense of Cheerleading

Let’s get the obvious objections out of the way. Cheerleading involves the following egregiously offensive activities: - Girls cheering for (mostly) boys - Girls wearing short skirts that submit them to the male gaze - Girls in said short skirts in front of large audiences - Girls wearing outfits that are gender normative I ...Read More

Baseball

I'm not great at being a baseball fan. I was really, really good at it when I was a kid. As people who were fans of the Montreal Expos go (and there were dozens of us! dozens!), I had pretty unimpeachable credentials: I said individual prayers for the best players, I had a ...Read More

Tomorrow is Sports Day

Oh, I am the wrong person to be talking to all of you about this, but here we are. Tomorrow is yet another themed day for us here at The Toast, for we live in exciting and themed times. The theme will be sports. [pauses for response] We will have writing about football ...Read More

Items In Shirley Jackson Stories I Have Longed For and Feared in Equal Measure

The cup of stars, The Haunting of Hill House. "Eleanor looked up, surprised; the little girl was sliding back in her chair, sullenly refusing her milk, while her father frowned and her brother giggled and her mother said calmly, 'She wants her cup of stars.' Indeed yes, Eleanor thought; indeed, so do I; ...Read More

Feel the Burn: Bonus Quad Lightning Round

Previous installments of "Feel the Burn" can be found here. Don't get used to extra installments of "Feel the Burn," sports [conditioning] fans! I just thought it would be fun to share one of my own personal workouts with you, which I did yesterday at 9:30am. By my calculation, that means the ...Read More

A New Version of You

In 1998, as Joey and Dawson shared their first kiss and Felicity agonized over Ben and Noel, poor Buffy Summers murdered the love of her life. Watching that episode some 15 years later, as a woman well into my 30s, I cried bitter tears. As she made out with her ex-boyfriend, stabbed ...Read More

The Haircut

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I Hear He’s Looking for a PR Person, Ladies

Quiet, a businessman is talking. ...Read More