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Two Monks Invent Biblical Art

Previously in this series: Two Monks Invent the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood.

fireAh, gentlemen. I see we’re all here and on fire in time for the meeting. Shall we begin?

MONK #1: hey what does it look like when two people who love one another hug
MONK #2: oh god just awful, it looks awful
like one of ’em is a knife just splitting into the other one’s skin
MONK #1: dang

lovers

MONK #2: or theres another way
MONK #1: of hugging?
MONK #2: yeah
only your chins and one knee touch
and you make your face miserable
and lean away as hard as you can
so those are the two main basic kinds of hugging that there are
MONK #1: like this?
MONK #2: yeah exactly

hug

MONK #1: oh that reminds me
which way do necks bend
on humans
MONK #2: any way
MONK #1: yeah?
MONK #2: yeah there’s like literally no direction a neck cant bend in
MONK #1: really
MONK #2: yeah
try it sometime

necks

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Normal Conversations In Western Art History

The play scene in Hamlet, 1897, Edwin Austin Abbey

hey so
how are you liking the play
are you noticing anything about it or something

leda

so how does this work exactly

richardi

hey
hi
so i know
i know you’re busy right now
i just wanted to ask you something
if you have a minute
about getting married

richardii

i’m sorry could this just
could this just possibly wait
until after my husband’s funeral

wedding2

hooray we’re getting married
hooray

wedding

ahhhh we’re getting married
i’m going to get to look at your face like
all the time now
im so excited
no i’ll smile later we don’t have time for smiling right now
but i will
for sure

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“You Basically Spent $64 on a GIF,” or, My Digital Art Collection

I recently received an email alerting me in the subject heading that my husband had sent me a gift. This wasn’t unusual, this is what people do, find silly things on the internet and sprinkle them into each other’s virtual mailboxes, the cheeky e-cards, the funny animal video, the link to a news article. I’m busy, so I assumed it was something of that ilk and reminded myself to open it later.

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Graffiti and the Girl: The Sisterhood of Street Art

She walks down the alley. Her hand’s in her bag, fingers gripped around her brush. She finds the wall. Kneels, unrolls her handmade poster. Quick swipe of paste on the paper, another on the wall. The poster goes up, then she uses her bare hands to smooth the surface, fingers pressing the paper into cracks. Car lights splash. She turns her face away. Another quick layer of paste once the car is gone, then she’s off: brush in the bag, hat over her eyes. Back in the car, she cleans her hands without turning on a light. Sticks the brush in a baggie. Turns the radio up, checks the clock. 2 a.m.  

It’s just another night in the life of a graffiti girl.

Graffiti has evolved from the tags of Taki 183 and Cornbread, which were remarkable in 1960s New York and Philadelphia, respectively, for their sheer abundance, and the bravado of the kids risking life, limb and arrest to get their name up.

Now on the street, you’re just as likely to see “masterpieces” as you are to see tagged names or initials. Today’s street art encompasses posters, paste-ups, altered advertisements, sculptures made of plastic bags, guerilla knitting and gardening. 

And more and more, street art is the dominion of women. Elle recently ran a piece profiling female graffiti artists in New York. The New York Times published an essay proclaiming graffiti by women as an important tool of social justice, citing women’s street art during the Arab Spring.

Graffiti girls are having their moment. But for female graffiti writers, it’s about much more than a shift in popular attention. For women who make street art, graffiti is not a “movement” as the Elle article declared; it’s a lifestyle, a way of seeing and altering the world—and women are creating it for their own reasons whether anyone is paying attention or not.  

Oakland, California artist and poet Angela Simione turned to street art as a reaction to the death of artist David Wojnarowicz, and the anniversary of her mother’s death. One night, she saw a white couch abandoned on the street: “I looked at it and thought, “That’s a nice, big canvas…” I kept walking but I kept thinking about the couch… I got about two blocks away and then turned around.”  

Simione wrote a Wojnarowicz quote on the couch. “I needed to know I was alive and the only way to know it was to write,” she says. “Out in the open and on the street. The only way to know it was to say something.”  

smell the flowes while you can, angela simione

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Women Listening To Men In Western Art History

the_drinkers-largei keep drinking

but it’s not making him more interesting

11a_Jean-Beraud-Scene-de-cafewhat

yes

i’m still listening

you were talking about that 

i’m just resting my eyes

listen18ahhhahahhaha

that is so good

that is so funny

that is so funny and good 

no I’ve never heard that before from you
Nighthawks by Edward Hopper zoomedahh sorry i just

i really need to look at this matchbook right now 

sorrryyyy

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Maybe The Stupidest Thing I’ve Ever Done: Mallory Draws Ta-Nehisi Coates

Ta-Nehisi Coates is a chum of the Toast and an all-around jet-setting, aces kind of dude. He writes very smart things and I think he’s just tremendous.

But I had a question for him.

Turns out yes!

Okay so now I had to draw some stuff. Good news: I have a rhyming dictionary and I can’t draw hands at all. Here are some drawings of beloved public intellectual Ta-Nehisi Coates and different things his last name rhymes with.

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“We’re Fine Here, How Are You?” Normal Moments In Art History Where No One Is About To Get Murdered

normal

hi hi what are you doing i’m very normal and you can trust me

you should trust me

start trusting me right now ok

normal3

hiiiiii hey 

what’s up what are you doing 

you should come over 

you should come over and hang out with us definitely

we could drink stuff out of vials together or whatever

normal8

hi come over and hang out with us 

we won’t drown you at all 

i dont even know the first thing about drowning so i definitely couldn’t drown you 

look at how much we’re not drowning right now

come over and trust us

normal10

heyy hi again hi guys 

we thought we’d just come over to you 

see what’s up

cool boat this is a super cool boat, what is it, like a sailboat

like a boat for sailing in? 

awesome, awesome 

you know what you should come see though 

is the ocean

come on we’ll show you it’s very cool, super breathable

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Ayn Rand, Cat Fancier

In 1995, an editor by the name of Michael Berliner released Letters of Ayn Rand to mixed reviews.

In 2014, a cat blogger from suburban California rediscovered it.

Here is what she found.

Are Cats Objectivists? A letter to Cat Fancy magazine

Screen Shot 2014-06-10 at 9.07.58 PM

“I hope…I will have a chance to see the pictures of my cat”Screen Shot 2014-06-10 at 9.16.36 PM

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