Items for Purchase Which Should Not Be Called Great Expectations
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About Author
by Clara Rotter-Laitman
Clara is a theater director and pop culture enthusiast from White Plains, New York.
You know what's funny is that I tried to do a similar post for my blog about products called "Lolita" which depend on a really problematic understanding of said Lolita.
But the things you see when you google "Lolita" cannot be unseen.
Someone who knows how to sew, make me that lovely seafoam green maternity number, please. (I am not pregnant but I carry all my weight in my belly and boobs so I'm pretty sure it would look fetching on me.)
That's G-R-A-T-E Expectations, also by Edmund Wells.
A GUIDE TO YOUR FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE.
The first year of wearing your decaying wedding dress is the hardest, right? Your family still hopes you'll recover, people are still trying to clear the festering wedding brunch, you realize that there never will be a point where those white heels are broken in, and you slowly realize you'll never be able to eat marinara again without ruining the point you're trying to make. I'm sure a guide is very helpful in navigating those challenges.
I hope the guide has tips on how to select and train the young orphan girl whom you will raise to unfeelingly crush the hearts of men, because that's an important step to take in the first year too.
"Identifying great future beauty and sociopathy in infants, a primer."
"It is wise to select several promising girl children and then vaccinate them all against smallpox, that you may pick a child who will retain a clear complexion."
I wonder if the people who eat up all this Great Expectations pregnancy-themed nonsense show up at baby showers wearing a wedding dress that they set on fire.
I hope so!
So, Yes or No this would be a great baby-nursery theme?
A swimsuit that costs $152 has absolutely no business being that ugly.
I really want that cat puzzle though.
Close call w/being mocked at The Toast: I almost went with that title for my memoir about adopting the kid who turned out not to be quite such an orphan after all.
'Third Time Charmed' has worked better, for many reasons, but it was a near miss.
The hosta or the planter solo, no way. But put the hosta IN the planter and I feel the stirring of some expectations. Maybe not great ones, but still.
The lesser-known mild expectations of hoping to grow a house plant that does not breed fruit flies.
Guys, the fitness one? amazing.
Great Ex PEC tations
NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE. But also that cover makes it look like a porn…"by Clarence."
Okay, but that Essie nail polish looks really cute and I want it.
Okay, but Great Expectorations looks pretty good.
Many many years ago, when I worked at a very very big and famous insurance company, they decided to branch out into the investment world. I can only assume that NO ONE in the marketing or PR or any other supposedly responsible department had passed high school English lit, or had, furthermore, even bothered to do a modicum of research, because they called the initial flashy campaign Great Expectations. (I have to admit though, I did well with my investments with them for a number of years).