Ancient Grains Archive
Your The Best Man Holiday Feelings
Ancient Grains, Movies
Nov 18, 2013
I want to tell you about a movie.
A movie where, whenever a character prays, he does so like a cartoon character: forehead bowed, eyes closed, hands clasped together with unbent fingers in the "I'm praying" position, on his knees.
A movie where the line "Just this once, call me Daddy" inspired me to
...Read More
If You Knew Anne of Green Gables IRL
Ancient Grains, Books
Nov 18, 2013
"Do you think amethysts can be the souls of good violets?"

*
"Will you swear to be my friend for ever and ever?"

*
...Read MorePopes Who Never Got to be Saints
Ancient Grains, History
Nov 18, 2013
Dear Pope Stephen VI:
Thank you for your application for sainthood. Unfortunately, we are unable to grant your request at this time.
When examining the merits of church prelates, the Congregation for the Causes of Saints looks favorably on efforts to strengthen the integrity of Church ecclesiastical offices. And of course no application for
...Read More
More Misandrist Lullabies
Ancient Grains, Misandry
Nov 18, 2013
Part One here.
The itsy-bitsy spider
Climbed up the water spout
Down came the rain
And washed the spider out
Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain
And the itsy-bitsy spider
Climbed up the spout again
There he was culled
by his larger
and more genetically fit female mate
She harvested his nutrients to feed herself
and she was right to
...Read More
“Trapper,” Kids in the Hall
Ancient Grains, Television
Nov 18, 2013
The most dangerous game.
...Read More
Sponsored Post: A JPASS Love Story
Ancient Grains, The Internet
Nov 17, 2013
Annabel had not been herself recently, that was for sure.
After graduation, she had finally been more interested in Paul's hobbies: watching him play Grand Theft Auto, listening to him talk about Chuck Palahniuk, making pizza bagels when his friends came over. During college, she'd been kind of a drag, honestly; devoted to
...Read More
Toast Points: The Week of Nov. 15th, 2013
Ancient Grains, Meta
Nov 15, 2013
On Monday, we kicked off our glorious My Life in Middlemarch book club and started with the pecan pie.
Tuesday, we listened to two female authors talk about sexism and self-promotion. Also, I food-trolled you.
...Read More
A Day In the Life of an Empowered Female Heroine
Ancient Grains, Humor
Nov 15, 2013
Previously: A Day in the Life of a Troubled Male Antihero.
She woke up like she did every day: slowly pulling her motorcycle helmet off, then shaking her head slowly back and forth to reveal a long, blonde ponytail. Everyone gasped. "That's right," she said, kicking the winning football goal before sliding
...Read More



















