Ancient Grains Archive

Your The Best Man Holiday Feelings

I want to tell you about a movie. A movie where, whenever a character prays, he does so like a cartoon character: forehead bowed, eyes closed, hands clasped together with unbent fingers in the "I'm praying" position, on his knees. A movie where the line "Just this once, call me Daddy" inspired me to ...Read More

If You Knew Anne of Green Gables IRL

"Do you think amethysts can be the souls of good violets?" grimace

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"Will you swear to be my friend for ever and ever?" I_dont_know_how_to_answer_that

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...Read More

Popes Who Never Got to be Saints

Dear Pope Stephen VI: Thank you for your application for sainthood. Unfortunately, we are unable to grant your request at this time. When examining the merits of church prelates, the Congregation for the Causes of Saints looks favorably on efforts to strengthen the integrity of Church ecclesiastical offices. And of course no application for ...Read More

More Misandrist Lullabies

Part One here. The itsy-bitsy spider Climbed up the water spout Down came the rain And washed the spider out Out came the sun And dried up all the rain And the itsy-bitsy spider Climbed up the spout again There he was culled by his larger and more genetically fit female mate She harvested his nutrients to feed herself and she was right to ...Read More

“Trapper,” Kids in the Hall

The most dangerous game. ...Read More

Sponsored Post: A JPASS Love Story

Annabel had not been herself recently, that was for sure. After graduation, she had finally been more interested in Paul's hobbies: watching him play Grand Theft Auto, listening to him talk about Chuck Palahniuk, making pizza bagels when his friends came over. During college, she'd been kind of a drag, honestly; devoted to ...Read More

Toast Points: The Week of Nov. 15th, 2013

On Monday, we kicked off our glorious My Life in Middlemarch book club and started with the pecan pie. Tuesday, we listened to two female authors talk about sexism and self-promotion. Also, I food-trolled you. ...Read More

A Day In the Life of an Empowered Female Heroine

Previously: A Day in the Life of a Troubled Male Antihero She woke up like she did every day: slowly pulling her motorcycle helmet off, then shaking her head slowly back and forth to reveal a long, blonde ponytail. Everyone gasped. "That's right," she said, kicking the winning football goal before sliding ...Read More